I Waited Way Too Long to Start, and Now I Have the Blues Over This

Dr. Robert Wallace
Wed, 08 Apr 2026 21:00:00 -0700
Lifestyle

DR. WALLACE: I've done hardly any work on a very important term paper that is due the last week of the school year, which is fast approaching me.

Right now, I feel like it's a monumental task to figure this whole thing out, even though I know the subject matter relatively well. Looking back, I can see that I was distracted and spent far too much time hanging out with my friends and pushing off buckling down getting to work on this assignment.

At this point, I'm so intimidated that I can't even figure out where to start. What can I do, short of asking my teacher for help or direction? — Facing the Term Paper Blues, via email
Updated: Thu Apr 09, 2026

DR. WALLACE: I've done hardly any work on a very important term paper that is due the last week of the school year, which is fast approaching me.

Right now, I feel like it's a monumental task to figure this whole thing out, even though I know the subject matter relatively well. Looking back, I can see that I was distracted and spent far too much time hanging out with my friends and pushing off buckling down getting to work on this assignment.

At this point, I'm so intimidated that I can't even figure out where to start. What can I do, short of asking my teacher for help or direction? — Facing the Term Paper Blues, via email

FACING THE TERM PAPER BLUES: Actually, engaging your teacher is not a bad idea, but my advice would be to do it only in a certain context.

Instead of seeking out your teacher after class and embarrassingly admitting that you haven't done much at all to date and need direction, get started first on your own. Do your best to scratch out an outline, and also, on a separate piece of paper, write down everything you'll need to do in terms of getting the term paper put together. By this, I mean the research, books, materials, online searches and so forth that you'll need to accomplish. This is different than actually starting to write the term paper. Think of it as the structure or inventory of everything you'll need to complete the task, the way a chef would need a list of all the ingredients, pots, pans and tools first in order to cook and prepare a certain meal.

Once you get started and have at least some incremental progress, you'll soon start to realize what you can gather and how you can best fit the pieces together. At this stage, and not before, it would be appropriate to contact your teacher after class one day and have some well-prepared notes to ask for some guidance or suggestions.

Knowing that you will be able to bring your outline and initial efforts to your teacher should be a great motivator for you to dive right in and get busy immediately. That should provide a huge relief to your mind, knowing that you'll be able to come into such a meeting from a position of simply needing guidance to help you finish your project — rather than weakly asking your teacher where you should start.

I APPRECIATE EVERYTHING BUT STILL DON'T LIKE ULTIMATUMS

DR. WALLACE: I've been in a relationship that has always been, from my point of view, reasonable, fair and pretty good overall. In the past, I would've stopped short of saying it was a tremendous relationship, but it has been a good one nonetheless.

However, in the past several weeks, my loved one has demonstrated a spectacular level of caring attention toward helping me deal with a personal issue that means a lot to me. Some of it is physical, some of it is mental, but I'm beyond impressed and grateful for having my relationship partner step up and help me out with all this in such a caring way.

However, after weeks of receiving this wonderful assistance, there was a time that she presented me with what I'll call a mild or soft ultimatum, but an ultimatum all the same.

This ultimatum was obviously well thought out and definitely is in my best interests. However, despite all the positive things that have gone on for me over the past month, I'm still struggling with her delivering me an ultimatum. How can I get past this? I can't really question it at this point, especially based upon what she's done for me lately before anything was ever verbalized. — Ultimatums Make Me Resistant, via email

ULTIMATUMS MAKE ME RESISTANT: It's time for you to take inventory here. It appears to me you've already begun the process of taking inventory of your relationship, and you found that it's stronger, deeper and more symbiotic than you might've ever imagined.

You also need to take inventory regarding your personal situation that you're dealing with, both physically and mentally. Whatever is going on is alarming enough for her to present you an ultimatum for your own good, apparently. Think about yourself and your situation. Is she right? Would you benefit by following the terms of her "soft ultimatum"?

Do you value your relationship enough to let go of wanting to control things and being able to accept an ultimatum from a loving partner who's looking out for your own good? These are the questions you should ask yourself and seek to answer carefully after a lot of thought and introspection.

Also consider the alternative: If you rebuff the ultimatum, break off your relationship and go forward on your own, would that make you happy? Would it be in your best physical, mental and emotional interests? Ultimatums are a serious subject, indeed. They are not to be thrown around on whims or used to take advantage of or manipulate other people unfairly. However, some ultimatums can indeed come from a loving perspective and a true desire to help another person in the best manner possible.