His Offer Surprised Me, So I Declined, as I Didn't Know Him

Dr. Robert Wallace
Fri, 10 Apr 2026 21:00:00 -0700
Lifestyle

DR. WALLACE: An unusual thing happened to me, so I wanted to get some advice, please. As a senior girl in high school, I get asked out on dates from time to time. Most of the time I know the person who's asking me out, or at least know of them. But a few weeks ago, I got asked out on a date by a guy I didn't know at all, and he caught me off guard at a time when I was really busy with a lot going on in my life. I remember smiling at him and thanking him for the offer, and I made it a point to tell him I was flattered that he would ask me. I remember him giving me back a relaxed smile and simply saying, "Maybe some other time."

I didn't think much about it, and I resumed with my busy day. Nearly a week went by before I thought about it again, and I then decided to ask around a few of my friends as to who this particular guy was and why he might've asked me out on a date seemingly out of nowhere.

Apparently, he's a junior at our school and plays on the basketball team. One of my younger brothers actually knows his younger brother, and a few of my girlfriends also were aware of who he is. To my amazement, everybody spoke extremely highly of him! I was even told a few interesting stories that definitely showed him in a good light and of good character.
Updated: Sat Apr 11, 2026

DR. WALLACE: An unusual thing happened to me, so I wanted to get some advice, please. As a senior girl in high school, I get asked out on dates from time to time. Most of the time I know the person who's asking me out, or at least know of them. But a few weeks ago, I got asked out on a date by a guy I didn't know at all, and he caught me off guard at a time when I was really busy with a lot going on in my life. I remember smiling at him and thanking him for the offer, and I made it a point to tell him I was flattered that he would ask me. I remember him giving me back a relaxed smile and simply saying, "Maybe some other time."

I didn't think much about it, and I resumed with my busy day. Nearly a week went by before I thought about it again, and I then decided to ask around a few of my friends as to who this particular guy was and why he might've asked me out on a date seemingly out of nowhere.

Apparently, he's a junior at our school and plays on the basketball team. One of my younger brothers actually knows his younger brother, and a few of my girlfriends also were aware of who he is. To my amazement, everybody spoke extremely highly of him! I was even told a few interesting stories that definitely showed him in a good light and of good character.

So now, based on that research, and also on my recalling how calm and collected he was during our brief conversation, I'm rethinking things completely. And the more I think about it, the more I'm open to going out with him on a date if he's still interested.

Do you think it's best I simply wait and see if he asked me out again someday, or should I seek him out on campus before the summer break and actually ask him out on a date this time? I'm fully prepared for him to decline my invitation, especially since I declined his! But hopefully I can simply laugh and tell him I was very busy that day and didn't know anything at all about him. — I'd Say Yes Next Time, via email

I'D SAY YES NEXT TIME: Fortune favors the bold, so I say it's better to approach him and tell him honestly what happened the last time. Be gracious and perhaps lead with mentioning that you'll completely understand if he's no longer interested. Hopefully the two of you can share a good laugh over the situation and schedule something together in the future.

Any time in life that you've realized a course correction is appropriate, get in the habit of building your muscle memory by taking quick action on your change of heart. This will help you to remain secure in what you need to do by promptly taking action and implementing your new decision.

WE MAKE PLANS, THEN SHE ALMOST ALWAYS CHANGES THEM

DR. WALLACE: I have a good friend who often changes our plans, sometimes at the last minute. For example, the other day we had planned to see a movie together. I researched the movie and was looking forward to seeing it very much.

She instead convinced me at the last moment to go shopping with her at the mall because she apparently needed to buy a gift for a relative. But once we were there, she browsed through a couple stores pretty quickly without buying anything and then headed to the food court, where we ran into other friends that I'm pretty sure she knew were going to be there.

The night was OK but a lot less fun than I had planned, as I was looking forward to that particular movie. That evening was only one of many that she has changed on a whim over the last few months. What can I do about her inability to stick to our planned schedule? I could forgive one or two times, but now it's a chronic pattern for sure. — Our Plans Often Change, via email

OUR PLANS OFTEN CHANGE: You referred to "her inability to stick to our planned schedule," but to me that is semi-excusing her behavior! It's not an inability she is dealing with, it is her own selfish agenda, and the sooner you understand and recognize that, the better off you'll be.

The antidote to combat this would be to have a backup plan ready to go for all future scheduled outings with this particular friend. For example, if you're planning to go to a movie, have a backup family member or perhaps another friend that you could go to see a movie with if this particular friend bails out at the last minute.

You can also decline to adjust to go on a "pseudo" shopping trip and then end up hanging out at a food court, for example. You could instead say, "If we're not going to see the movie, then I have some studying I need to get caught up with, so good luck with your shopping," then literally make arrangements to head home directly, as this will send a very clear and direct message. You don't have to be haughty about it at all, just simply smile and ask her in the moment if there's a different day she'd prefer to see the same movie — and then head home.