My Intense Personality Impacts My Dating Life

Dr. Robert Wallace
Mon, 06 Apr 2026 23:00:00 -0700
Lifestyle

DR. WALLACE: I'm in my second year of college and presently single. My social life in this regard is definitely different than what most people experience. I tend to radiate a unique intensity, which causes many people to be drawn to me initially. I get asked out on many dates and carefully select a few candidates for first dates based on what I feel our future compatibility may be.

From there, some of them fall by the wayside, but others have led to brief relationships ranging from six weeks to three or four months. At some point, my intensity tends to grate on others and we end up triggering each other with frustrations about what may best be described as truly trivial things. But once the damage is done, it's time to move on. I've repeated this pattern more than a handful of times already.

How can I best seek to date someone who will match up best with my unique personality? — Intense College Girl, via email
Updated: Tue Apr 07, 2026

DR. WALLACE: I'm in my second year of college and presently single. My social life in this regard is definitely different than what most people experience. I tend to radiate a unique intensity, which causes many people to be drawn to me initially. I get asked out on many dates and carefully select a few candidates for first dates based on what I feel our future compatibility may be.

From there, some of them fall by the wayside, but others have led to brief relationships ranging from six weeks to three or four months. At some point, my intensity tends to grate on others and we end up triggering each other with frustrations about what may best be described as truly trivial things. But once the damage is done, it's time to move on. I've repeated this pattern more than a handful of times already.

How can I best seek to date someone who will match up best with my unique personality? — Intense College Girl, via email

INTENSE COLLEGE GIRL: Our personalities definitely develop and fall into regular patterns over time and trying to change core behaviors is indeed challenging to say the least.

In your case, surmising the best I can from afar, I'd say that your personality style presents you with several social opportunities and probably helps you greatly in other aspects of your life, but do not apply well to dating on an ongoing basis. Continue to be yourself, stay in and day out until you reach the point that you've dated someone new for a week or two that you truly find interesting. At that point, take inventory of yourself and your thoughts and ask yourself internally if you want to let your guard down a little bit in your personal life, versus your normal, publicly intense persona.

If you do, seek to listen first and then to speak carefully second. My advice is not to debate, challenge or feel you have to "win" every point within your personal relationships. Seek to compromise, give ground and encourage the same from your partner. Communicate about this openly and often. Put all of your cards on the table and request the same in return.

You may find that approaching your personal life with a slightly different wrinkle than your public life will not only suit you well within your personal relationships but also give you a softer, more pliable side of yourself that you can nurture accordingly. You may even discover situations to use it to your benefit in public as well.

MY FRIEND TENDS TO EXPLAIN THINGS IN GIBBERISH!

DR. WALLACE: One of my best friends is fun to hang out with, but she sometimes over-explains things when we're talking and a lot of the time it sounds like gibberish to me!

I know this isn't actually true intellectually, but it's hard not to tune her out because of the way that she randomly connects the dots in her storytelling. It's not only hard to follow, but I also always have trouble understanding her logic. Should I say anything to her about this, or just let her ramble on and tell me as many stories as she would like in this manner? She's a good friend and other than this one quirky issue, we get along great and I don't want to lose her as a friend. — My Friend Speaks Gibberish Sometimes, via email

MY FRIEND SPEAKS GIBBERISH SOMETIMES: It's great that she's a wonderful friend of yours and that she has so many other outstanding qualities that you wish to keep her as a good friend for the long-term.

My advice is to overlook her quirky storytelling and certainly don't interrupt her in any kind of corrective or condescending way as that may ruffle her feelings and perhaps change the dynamic between the two of you.

Having said that, one of the things you could do along the way would be to ask a very brief, specific question quickly whenever there's a pause in her storytelling. This will help you to get information so you can track the story situation better and it will also keep you on your toes so that you listen to her more intently and don't just automatically tune her out.

If this is your friend's one lone shortcoming, I would say you have a pretty wonderful friend that should be cherished, valued and appreciated.